It happens to be that great holiday, Cinco de Mayo, which is of course a colossal celebration of the historical event when a caveman first picked up a hard, green oval rock with acne and said, “Look Bubba, let’s try to open this up and see if we can eat it.”
That’s when the avocado was born, also known as guacamole in an Easter egg. We are forever grateful, and celebrate each May 5th. Any excuse to eat guacamole works for me, but what to put with it is sometimes a struggle.
They don’t let you out of school for May 5th, or out of work or church or baton practice. So we don’t exactly do the meal-planning for weeks in advance like we do for Christmas and VBS finale night. I look in my pantry for something that goes well with Herb Alpert and sombreros and come up pretty short. Oh, there are a few chips, but I’d have to get a broom to retrieve them.
I wonder, do el corn doggos count as Mexican fare? Pretty sure that’s a negative, so I’m gonna have to head to the grocery store, something I was trying to avoid, since the line of people on the Old El Paso aisle is going to be longer than the twelfth grade unit on the Canterbury Tales.
I want to do something original. I mean, face it, we’re already eating tacos three meals a day when it’s not even May. As a kid, eating at an authentic Mexican restaurant was a rare treat. Only the big cities had one, and we could translate about everything on the menu into one thought - free chips. When you’re a kid, that’s next to hearing, “Eat the icing straight out of the can!”
Now it’s commonplace to go down a line and tell people what to put on your taco. There’s one of these joints on every corner, and it feels kind of like going to Ensley Grill in Birmingham and peering over the bars that you slid your tray down, and asking for blue jello with a glob of Cool Whip on the top. That’s another article pulling from deep within my childhood roots. But it does feel like that; only without the tray part, and without the Cool Whip part.
The first thing they ask you is, “What’s your choice of protein?” and you envision the Ensley Grill man with the white chef jacket and a carving knife, but what you’re staring at is a junior high student getting paid more per hour than your first car cost.
There’s a choice? We grew up thinking tacos were made with a pound of ground beef mixed with an envelope of red cocaine. (That’s why we’re up to three shots a day now.) It turns out they can put a variety of meats on there, and still call it a taco -- chicken, steak, tofu (a blend of cracker crumbs and scar tissue), shrimp, fish, and Memphis barbecue. Mexico must have annexed a few places.
So hmmm, help me out here. What can I do that’s original that still honors the holiday? At this point on a Sunday, I’m thinking la peanuta buttra sandwiches. Or I could just stop at Star Pesos, and get a churro flavored coffee with cinnamon. That’s sounding more and more festive all the time.
Oh I know there are going to be sticklers who demand we eat authentic fajitas on hand-pressed shells laced with organic habanero peppers and served up on sizzling oval-shaped skillets. You do it your way, but if you think I’m going to make that mess in my kitchen, I’ve got one word for you.
Toro.
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